First things that come to mind about the new Pope

So, I’m going to say the first things that come to mind regarding the new Pope (elected but a few hours ago).  I’m looking forward to regretting everything I’m going to say.  It’ll be one of those, “Wow, you’re really an idiot”-kind-of-a-thing when people will look back at it.  But hopefully, no one will look back at it.  So, let me proceed to shoot my mouth off without any fear of consequences.

  • For some reason, I now think the prophecies of St. Malachy are garbage.  I thought it was going to be Cardinal Bertone, which would have ended the world (as explained in a previous post), but it’s not.  Whew.  The world may yet survive.  Kind of retarded first thing to put on this list … but it was on my mind.
  • Why didn’t anyone expect this guy to be Pope?  This guy is freaking perfect in every way.  Is everyone retarded?  I mean, both the secular and Catholic sources I know totally didn’t call this.  And yet, looking at this guy’s credentials, it’s like, “Um, duh.”  It’s kind of like one of those mystery stories where the murderer is the most obvious suspect and yet no one suspects him.  Except he’s not the murderer.  He’s the Pope.
  • This guy embodies something that is very dear to my heart, namely, he has the good aspects of “liberalism” and “conservatism.”  That is, he cares for the poor and knows things need to change (i.e. liberal), but values tradition and isn’t a slave to the newest sexual/homosexual agendas (i.e. conservative).  In other words, he’s Catholic, which is something a lot of liberal Catholics and conservative Catholics can’t say about themselves nowadays.
  • He’s going to reform the Jesuits.  He’s the first Jesuit Pope, man.  And those Jesuits are going to get a reformin’.  Fortunately, I’ve strangely never encountered a “bad Jesuit.”  Something that is rather statistically impossible, but I’ve managed to do it.  All the ones I’ve met have met have been the most impressive and orthodox priests ever which have made me think, “Why can’t other priests be like them?”  But I know there exists a great horde of heterodox monstrosities in that once-glorious order.  It is a parody of what it once was.  The Jesuits were the most formidable, kickass, Catholic ninjas in history.   Now they’re a bunch of fags.  Except for the good ones, which are still the best human beings ever, though few and far between.  Fortunately, Pope Francis is one of those few’n’far’b/w.  So far as I can gather.  Gulp.
  • It really feels like the beginning of a new age.  I’m mean, the fact that this is the first New World Pope feels like we’re going into a New World.  Columbus found America around the beginning of the Modern Age.  Maybe the first Pope from America will end the Modern Age.  Hopefully it will be a better age.  Maybe not.  But maybe so.
  • I think Pope Francis’ anti-homosexual agenda stance will be a powerful one, considering he is really a man of the people and not just some ivory tower Catholic intellectual.  While against the homosexual agenda, he still would go to hospitals and wash the feet of AIDS patients.  Amazing.
  • And, etc.  I got to go.  Some partying happenin’.

Habemus Papam!

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About Remus

I am a teacher at a High School in Minnesota. I've taught History, Philosophy, Literature, and Psychology. That's about it.
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4 Responses to First things that come to mind about the new Pope

  1. Andy S says:

    Amen. Pope Francis’ CV is a giant Catholic “both/and”. CNN and MSNBC, definitely, and many other secular news organizations are absolutely going to be confounded by a Catholic this seemingly complex.

  2. Laurel says:

    I liked your comment regarding the media being blind to this guy. After all the commentary about his being second choice behind Ratzinger last time around, why didn’t anyone consider him?? But it just goes to show, the Holy Spirit is a WHOLE LOT smarter than we are. 😉

  3. Liz says:

    “The Jesuits were the most formidable, kickass, Catholic ninjas in history. Now they’re a bunch of fags.”

    Seriously? Is this a middle school playground? This is so childish and ignorant.

    • Remus says:

      Seriously. And I take it as a compliment that you compare it to a middle school playground. The best philosophy is always done there.

      So, yeah, what exactly is your objection? Please elaborate.

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