(Note: Video contains some mean subtitles, if you’re sensitive to that sort of thing)
(Note: Video contains some mean subtitles, if you’re sensitive to that sort of thing)
So, I’m going to say the first things that come to mind regarding the new Pope (elected but a few hours ago). I’m looking forward to regretting everything I’m going to say. It’ll be one of those, “Wow, you’re really an idiot”-kind-of-a-thing when people will look back at it. But hopefully, no one will look back at it. So, let me proceed to shoot my mouth off without any fear of consequences.
The context is an incompetent undercover cop (Jimmy Fallon), along with a female taxi-driver (Queen Latifah), finally track down a band of supermodels that are robbing banks. But they get caught. Then this happens …
Other than that, not that great of a movie.
Just when I thought the Mayan Calendar scare would satisfy my apocalyptic paranoia for awhile, then this had to happen …
So, as you probably know, St. Malachy (a 12th century bishop) supposedly wrote a prophetic list of all Popes to come, giving them poetic titles which cryptically reveal what they would be like. According to the list, the successor of Benedict XVI will be the last Pope ever.
Some argue that the poetic titles don’t match their correlating Pontiffs very well. But there are a few instances where they do, such that you really start to get stressed out.
“Pious City in War” is Malachy’s title for who became Pope Innocent IX, who had been Patriarch of Jerusalem (a pious city) as well as a papal nuncio under Pius V wherein he got Spain and Venice to team up with each other to defeat the Turks at the Battle of Lepanto (arguably the most decisive naval battle in history, and one which saved Christendom from becoming Muslim).
“Corrupted Nation” corresponds to Pope Paul V who began the practice of nepotism, wherein he appointed his unsuited family members to ecclesiastical offices, leading a very less-than-ideal era for the Renaissance Papacy as well as Italy in general.
“Religion Destroyed” corresponds to Pope Benedict XV, whose reign saw the rise of atheistic communism which succeeded in destroying religious belief all over the world like nothing else in human history.
“Shepherd and sailor” corresponds to Pope John XXIII who had been Patriarch of Venice (a place associated with seafaring perhaps more than any other place in the world).
“From the midst of the moon” corresponds to Pope John Paul I, whose reign began with the moon half-full (i.e. neither full nor new, hence “in the midst”) and only lasted about a month (i.e. roughly within the length of a lunar cycle).
“The Labour of the Sun” corresponds to Pope John Paul II, the only Pope born during a solar eclipse. (This one really freaks me out.)
St. Malachy refers to the last Pope as “Peter the Roman.” A candidate for the next Papal Election is Cardinal Tarcisio Pietro Evasio Bertone from the town of Romano Canavese. That’s right, his name is Pietro from Romano. Oh, death.
Furthermore, this is another thing Malachy says about him:
In the extreme persecution of the Holy Roman Church, there will sit [i.e., as bishop] Peter the Roman, who will pasture his sheep in many tribulations, and when these things are finished, the city of seven hills [i.e. Rome] will be destroyed, and the terrible judge will judge his people. The End.
This unfortunately and disturbingly parallels something (I’m sorry to say) in the Third Prophecy of Fatima. Now, I’ll tell you right now that I’ve been turned off by a lot of psychotic Fatima devotees. In fact, it got so bad that I invoked my right as a Catholic to not believe in that particular private revelation. In any case, the Third Secret, I guess, also indicates that Rome will be destroyed (and further, the Pope will be killed).
Weirdly, among the psychotic ravings of the Fatima-obsessed parties, there is a conspiracy theory that some high-ranking clergymen have withheld part of Third Secret from the public for some reason. It has long been believed by many that the chief culprit is none other than Cardinal Bertone (our Peter the Roman candidate). What could that mean? Is Bertone going to be some kind of Anti-Christ Pope? Or is he going to shape up (assuming he has lied about Fatima) and become a noble shepherd in the upcoming catastrophe? Or is he totally not going to be Pope at all so nevermind?
The portentous hints of armageddon could be cross-referenced with this other supernatural anecdote as well: Pope Leo XIII had a vision that the devil was going to wreak more devastation in that following century than he had ever done. Leo had the vision about a century ago. That century should be coming to an end … and perhaps the world is going to end with it. It might be that bad.
When Benedict resigned, by the way, lightning struck St. Peter’s dome. Is it ominous confirmation that the line of Peter is indeed coming to an end? And that the city of Rome is to be destroyed with it?
One may ponder whether the efforts to turn the world into a globalized Sodom and Gomorra might have something to do with this allegedly incoming brimstone. One may reflect whether the billion+ aborted babies could factor in this looming termination of the world. One may question whether oneself may be a willing participant in this doomsday event.
Lastly, I’d like to draw attention to the threefold division of history (and many supposed prophets said there will only be three).
The end of the Ancient Era incidentally was marked by the Fall of the Western Roman Empire (c. 500 AD).
The end of the Medieval Era was marked by the Fall of the Eastern Roman Empire (c. 1500 AD).
Perhaps the end of the Modern Era will be the Destruction of Rome (c. 2000 AD).
Man, apocalyptic prophesies never get old, do they? Fortunately, they have a knack of not coming true. But it’s probably good to contemplate the end of earthly existence once and awhile. After all, you could die today. What’s the big difference if it’s the whole world? Yeah, we’ll be okay. Or not.
(P.S. Tomorrow, i.e. February 15, 2013, a huge asteroid will narrowly miss earth that could have destroyed an entire city)
Again, not that anyone is reading this blog, but I just wanted to point out that at least nine other Popes in history have also resigned (namely, Gregory XII, Celestine V, Sylvester III, Clement II, Gregory VI, Martin I, Benedict IX, Silverius, and Pontian). Three of those Popes, furthermore, became saints. I even found some unconfirmed comments that Pope Clement I of Alexandria, an Apostolic Father who was taught by St. Peter himself, may have also resigned (but again, can’t confirm it).
So, don’t worry. Benedict XVI isn’t that weird. What I’m worried about is the prophecies of St. Malachy, which supposedly indicates that Benedict XVI is the last Pope before PETER II (who will then be the one to hand the keys back to Jesus at the Second Coming). Oh, death.
I just saw the best movie ever. When I say “best” I don’t actually mean that. Or do I?
“Iron Sky” is the cinematic feast about which I speak. It’s probably actually the worst movie ever made. But when movies get so bad, it’s hard to tell if they might not actually be the best. You know how confusing that can get.
So here’s the plot …
A bunch of Nazis managed to escape earth and settle on the dark side of the moon at the end of World War II. Ever since then, they have been planning an invasion of earth. However, the US President is a Sarah Palin-like ditz who, in a desperate campaign move to get reelected, sends a famous black male model to the moon, but of course he ends up getting captured by Nazis. They forcefully change his skin color somehow to make him look more Aryan (which he hates and obviously says a lot of funny, racist stuff about). Also, despite their ridiculously advanced steampunk technology, the Nazis are amazed at the astronaut’s cell phone which they then utilize to put the finishing touches on gigantic war machine. However, the phone runs out of batteries, so they risk sending a detachment down to earth to retrieve more cell phones. Two Nazis (a guy named Adler and his genetically compatible fiancee) along with the captured Aryanized male model go down to earth in a Nazi flying saucer and eventually gain control of the US government by helping the President with her election campaign using traditional Nazi propaganda techniques.
In the meantime, the poor Aryanized male model has escaped and is living like a homeless bum, preaching on street corners about the dangers of the “Moon Nazis,” but no one listens to him. The President’s opportunistic female campaign director falls in love with Adler who ultimately dumps her in his move to become the new Fuhrer and lead the final invasion of earth himself. The Nazis commence a “meteorblitzkrieg” with space zeppelins towing asteroids down to earth. The President counts all of this a blessing, since all Presidents who started a war in their first term always got reelected. The President then unveils a secret battle spaceship called the USS George W. Bush loaded with nukes to take on these Lunar National Socialists. In the end, the moon pretty much gets blown up and all the countries in the world start launching ICBMs at each other.
So, as you can see, best movie ever. I won’t blame you if you hate it because it’s actually pretty bad. But pretty dang awesome.
A silly hidden camera prank. Pretty much the best ever.